This probably should have been released as the Sword(s) and the Sorcerer due to the most recognizable feature of this film, a three-bladed sword that shoots its blades kind of like when Link has full health. Actors present aren’t too exciting, though the evil lich dude is played by Richard Moll who was in Evilspeak and voiced Two-Face in Batman: The Animated Series, and 1974’s Ms Iceland plays our hero’s sister. Our director, Albert Pyun made a lot of shitty martial arts films and Hong Kong 97 starring Robert Patrick.
From the very beginning we get some usable D&D content – King Titus sails to Tomb Island to resurrect an ancient warlock, Zusia, who can help in overthrowing a rival. The names are excellent. In a torch-lit cavern, a medusa-inspired witch performs an ancient ritual, faces carved into the rock awaken before beginning to bleed and wail, a hellish wind is summoned, and a blood-man straight out of Hellraiser is…uh…licked clean by the witch before her stomach is psychically ripped out. That last bit is a tad strange but still, we’re seven minutes in and have all the inspiration we need to start writing a dungeon. Hell, we haven’t even seen the three-pronged laser sword yet and this kicks ass.
After some kingdom-overthrowing, we have our general plot layout – good king is overthrown by bad king, bad king betrays bad wizard, good prince trains for 10 years and comes back for vengeance, good king’s buddy’s son is leading a rebellion. This gives us roughly four factions who have the potential for working with each other – of course the prince and the rebel leader working together make sense but with the rogue wizard thrown in the mix, he can work with either side to suit his own needs. Something tells me that this won’t be developed too much, but I can hope.
Relying on the Monomyth, our hero needs to infiltrate the Death Star Wicked Witch’s Wizard’s castle to rescue Dorothy and Toto the Princess Leia Alana. While some works rely too much on the Hero’s Journey and thus feel derivative, this uses it just enough to evoke a familiar understanding of the plot while still keeping it fresh what with its torture dungeons, hot Icelandic concubines, and fur-clad mercenaries (OK, I guess Chewbacca is also a fur-clad merc but you catch my drift). The use of such a story-telling tactic is also welcome as there’s not really any plot otherwise. It’s just dudes beating the shit out of each other (this is a good thing). Lots of mooks getting chopped up, comically over-designed weapons, and talk of COLD STEEL. We also get one of my favourite types of scenes – rich bad guys holding a debauched feast. Something about a bunch of louts tearing into quarters of roast chicken and drinking from ornate goblets while serving girls frolick about is just fun.
We have a perfect trifecta of Blood, Breasts, and Beasts along with a well-oiled Butt! The final big fight is fucking awesome. There’s lots of black-on-red like in the intro to Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings, there’s the crazy triple sword flying through the air shattering the lesser blades of goons, hot captive princesses, a guy pulling himself off a crucifixtion wheel, and Zusia finally appears again after being forgotten for most of the film. It’s a shame I didn’t know about this film when I was about 8. I would have loved it. If you want a movie that needs exactly 0% of your brain-power, this is an excellent choice with some insane visuals and fun combat. it’s a cult classic for a reason and deserves a hearty Two Thumbs Up Seal of Approval.
Swords & Schlock 
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