Demented Death Farm Massacre, 1971.

Also released as:
Honey Britches
Moonshiner’s Women
Shantytown Honeymoon
Hillbilly Hooker
Little Whorehouse on the Prairie
Honey Pie
and Die Todesfarm
Good gracious, you think they’d find something they like and just stick with it. At one point this was re-cut and given some narration by John Carradine and it was later sold to Troma which is the version I am currently watching. Other than Mr Carradine, there is no-one of note in this film. Other than such an esteemed actor providing the narration, it feels like a pretty amateur affair, not unlike Manos the Hands of Fate or something by Ed Wood. A group of jewel thieves hide out in an old farm while they wait for the heat to die down, moonshiners discover them, violence ensues.

The acting is god-awful in the best way possible. At first I was expecting amateur trash but then the bearded lumberjack-looking hillbilly showed up screaming about Jezebels and I’m sorry, it’s hilarious. This reminds me of The Guy From Harlem. The lines are delivered with insane inflection, the microphone is always peaking, body language never matches the emotions on display, and the dialogue is deranged. What is lacking in acting chops is made up for with large breasts and larger hair. This is hysterical. I came into this with my loins girded for the worst and I was well-rewarded. This is grade-zed. The music ranges from blistering banjo to atmospheric dread that sounds like it belongs on a Death Cube K album. This latter music is never used in the right place. It’s something meant for the scenes in Texas Chainsaw Massacre when they first enter the house but here it’s used for a jaunty stroll through a forest. It’s completely absurd.

There isn’t really much to say about this movie. It’s objectively terrible and most of the movie is just spent with inane conversations. It’s sort of like a soap opera. You could get up and make a sandwich and come back 20 minutes later and despite the fact that nothing but conversation has happened, nothing has actually developed. Just words for the sake of words. Finally two-thirds into the film, one of the girls is beaten to death with a moonshine jug and the film picks up ever-so-slightly. The thieves hold the hicks hostage and come up with a plot to steal the moonshining proceeds. This of course ends horribly with an incredible slow-motion fight scene in the still shack and a shitty car chase. It sure ain’t no Dukes of Hazzard. Especially when half of it is filmed through a dirty windshield at sunset. Looks fucking great.

There are no Beasts and the slightest amount of Breasts and Blood. I wanted exploitation and what I got was an hour of poorly-acted conversations and a few minutes of genuinely funny hillbilly tomfoolery. Breasts are only shown for the briefest of moments but every piece of clothing in this film was chosen based on its ability to display cleavage. Perhaps one of the technically worse films I’ve ever seen but I guffawed at points earning this a One Thumb Way Up Seal of Approval. Watch it if you like banjo or if you like to get real messed up on drugs.