Van Movies: the Van, 1977.

Secondary to my normal reporting on terrible films that I watch, I would like to begin a parallel look into one of cinemas stranger phaenomena, vansploitation. Perhaps one of the more niche genres of film, it also happens to be one of my favourites. I was first introduced to the genre by a 32-in-1 Drive In Cult Classics DVD pack by Mill Creek Entertainment. Modern literature defines the vansploitation genre as films in which the van not only serves as the vehicle by which the plot moves but also the impetus for the character’s actions – they exist only to spend time in or work on their vans. This leaves us with a somewhat narrow scope of films including (not-exclusively) The Van (1977), Supervan (1977), and Van Nuys Blvd (1979). There are other films however which heavily feature vans that I think warrant mentioning.
Therefore, for the purposes of my exploration into van films, I shall use the above definition but with several additional factors which will allow a film to be included in the canon of van cinema. a) a van is featured on the film’s poster or heavily in its marketing, b) a van serves as a locale for much of the film’s action even if it is not central to the plot, c) it contains enough good-looking vans that an otherwise unwatchable film is made enjoyable by their inclusion, d) contains at least one scene with Will Adler (sometimes credited as Bill). This allows us to include several movies in which the villain uses a van as their primary means of committing acts of malice such as Death Car on the Freeway. I will not include Texas Chainsaw Massacre despite its inclusion of 1974 Ford Club Wagon as Leatherface doesn’t drive the van around. It would be fucking awesome if he did. It’s also a shame that I can’t argue Empire Strikes Back into being a van film.
To facilitate this journey, I have made extensive use of the internet movie car database, imcdb.org and their advanced search function was instrumental in my research.
So let us begin with a classic – 1977’s The Van!

Geeze before I can even start talking about the movie, there’s a rear end on screen. We have Will Adler in a minor role and even Danny DeVito as the boss at an autobody shop! It’s not quite his first role but it’s definitely one of the earlier ones. Predates Taxi. This was a Crown International Pictures film – these guys were the king of crappy movies. Pom-Pom Girls, The Van, Van Nuys Blvd, Malibu High, and Malibu Beach. A lot of flicks with Will Adler. The film makes extensive use of the song Chevy Van by Sammy Johns but they also play it a bunch while the characters are driving around in vehicles other than vans which is a bit odd.

The movie sets itself up as a fair standard 70s teen movie. Within 5 minutes we have sex in a van, a drag race, and pranks that could cause serious injury and property damage. Just another June day in mid-America. Teens cruising around hollering at ladies. Hell we even have kidnapping later in the film. Plot-wise, we have two friends, one kind of a nerd, the other a bit more smooth, they’re looking for fun and one gets a van. If you need more plot than that in a van film, you’re nuts.

The titular van, a 1974 Dodge Tradesman, is great. Bright yellow with phallic art, mirrors on the ceiling, a fridge, 8-track player, closet, mag wheels, a TV, a spoiler, a fucking waterbed, and a drink holder because in the 70s you were still allowed to drink and drive. Dubbed The Straight Arrow. The van signals a transformation in our character. He’s graduated from highschool. He’s a man now. He smokes cigars like a king instead of cigarettes. He can stand up to his dad who thinks vans are obscene. This is what the van film is about. Freeing the shackles of adolescence when you still live under your parents roof and into the freedom of adulthood. Into the freedom of illegal street racing and sex with strangers. When they say “Reject Modernity, Embrace Tradition,” this is what they mean. They mean returning to the days when you kept packs of smokes rolled up in your sleeve.

There are some problems with this film. Bobby, our van drivin’ man tries to pick up a fast-food worker by asking her to smoke some dope in his van. If you are ever approached by a man offering you drugs in his van, do NOT take them up on the offer. That is stranger danger. The fast-food worker does the right thing by saying “I don’t have time for a joint” (wholesome, pure, christly) but then succumbs to the DEVIL and says “but I do have time for a quickie” but she’s what the 70s consider fat (150lbs) and breaks the waterbed. That’s cruel and offensive. She was curvy and deserves none of this mockery. Shame on the filmmakers.

This film doesn’t feature any good barfights but it does have a pizza parlour with a pinball machine and an entire VAN MEETUP. JUST CUSTOM VANS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. Shag carpet, airbrushed art, custom sound systems, flame paint jobs, races. This is what heaven looks like. There was actually a fellow locally selling one of the vans featured in this scene but he wanted like 60,000$ or some bizarre value. I guess I should start a gofundme. The actual content of the film is a bit lackluster; our main character is kind of a dork and mopes around too much but the vans definitely make up for it. One Thumb Way Up Seal of Approval.

If anyone can tell me where I can buy the above shirt, which I believe says “Hard Loving Man” then I will pay you a finder’s fee (100 canadian dollars).